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There's More To Life
Written by: Octavian "Faceless" Costello You know... as I lie down with my eyes closed can still remember the same evening my father and I had spoke. Has anyone ever tell you about life? Yeah...probably so, but has anyone ever tell you that there’s more to life than just life itself? Well it all started around 10 years back to this day, my father Rodney Hill had just held me close snuggled in his arms for the first time while my mother Maria Birmingham birthed me two days before. They were both around 16 years old when they had me, you see my father couldn’t attend the birth ceremony due to his cruel job’s work hours; years past before I knew it I was 7 years old. It was my dad’s 23rd birthday and he had just lost his job, I had gotten him a present but he had refused to open it on such a sad day. “Wake me up when life is over” he told me, I had no idea what he meant by that. I thought nothing of it but soon a few minutes later I them saw my mother very angry as she had grabbed me by my forearm and stormed out. “When are we going to visit daddy again?” I had asked She replied angry “We’re not, your father honey... he has A LOT of issues he needs to sort out. Either way he is unemployed and broke. Do you really want a slack of meat sitting on our couch with his fat lazy ass not doing jack shit? Or do you like Clint who has a lovely stable job, buys you anything you like and treats mommy nice?” Without me even replying she just said “of course you do” as she giggled and had me inside the backseat of the car. As we drove away I just saw my father from the rearview window, he was just standing there until I saw him fall on his knees as he broke down into tears. On the weekends where I was allowed to visit my father, we spent our time talking. More less around the topic of life, he had told me he had seen a therapist named Kress Winkler where he was recommended to a shrink. Later on the weekend after he had found out he had depression “Stupid fucking shrink, don’t he know I already fucking know?” my father ranted, I stood there in silence as he told me “Son...sometimes all I can think about is when I die...don’t anybody know there’s more to life than just life itself? Keith I know this may sound odd but when you grow up, never get a child... because then the woman you fall in love will soon run off with your everything.” I responded “What do you mean Papa?” “Trust me as I say there’s so many stupid folk in the world, this is why America is down the shit.” I asked him what he meant but he said take my life as an example and do the complete opposite. You’ll see what I mean later on in life, ever since my father has done things people shouldn’t usually do... I saw him completely change from a loving kind father to a man I wish I never knew. This being said I started to stray away from him ever since he robbed a liquor store in Queens, I started to focus more on school as my mother started focusing more on Clint. I went into school the next morning where I had been yet again picked on and harassed by these group of kids, I had this bully Marcus also who had kept picking on me for a while but I haven’t seen in him in school for a bit but I thought it was alright since he has a history of family abuse. After one of the kids (Thomas) who’ve had socked me in the stomach got caught by the teacher I headed for the nurse then class. Months had passed and I saw a breaking news report late night it said there was a missing child found chopped up inside of a garbage bag in the back of a local fast food restaurant. There was a note that led “Bullying leads to suicide, never bully Keith” when I had saw this I instantly froze as I ran towards mother but she wasn’t in her room... I found a letter saying “Father’s day had come early, thank you for the heart Maria...” I got scared I stood inside the house until Clint had gotten home thank god he came home early. I told him about the letters and the newscasting that night luckily he had taken me in as one of his own when he applied to be my legal guardian. We played games and watched tv until I fell asleep almost every single NIGHT, it was just like I had the perfect father. As I Clint drove me to school I looked out the side window to hear gun shots and screaming, Clint instantly drove away as fast as that Camaro can go. Later on that night there was news about 3 missing teenage girls that were found sodomized and beaten with notes sewn onto their mouths educating people about the ratio of rape and sodomy in the U.S. one of those girls I had a crush on... "Britney Wise". I had never felt more traumatized in my entire life, the girls were found locked inside of the basement of my mother’s ex boyfriend’s house Anthony Padiglio where they had condoms filled with semen stitched onto their foreheads. I had emailed my father multiple times but he had never returned to talk to me through email,text or any form of communication. Not only I was concerned of my father not speaking to me I was worried about my mother’s disappearance turns out a couple days later I had found my mother had passed away from a drunk car crash that had nothing to do with my father’s disturbing obsessions. I was informed about the crash by a local policeman when I had asked about a missing lady by the name of “Maria Birmingham”. I heard a knock on the door one day and as I came to open it, it was my father Rodney holding crate packed underneath his arm with a jerry can on the other side. “What are you doing here dad...?” I had asked “I came to see my boy, now come along” “I’m not sure if Clint will like that...” I replied “Well where is he I’ll have a word with him.” Rodney then said I stood still afraid because he was working and the plain fact I want nothing happening to him, “He’s working Pa” I responded “Well then we ain’t got nothing to worry about, now come on boy don’t let your ole man wait” he eagerly replied. Now I’m not sure if I was deathly afraid or just a plain dumbass but I had followed him outside and into his pickup truck. He went into some sort of camping grounds where there was already a campsite set up, we sat down as he had turned over towards me and asked if I remembered a talk about a couple years back about life and death; I replied yes. My pa then tossed the crate into the empty pit where I had heard an alarming amount of meows...I instantly turned white “Take these innocent cat’s lives for example son, you don’t want to be them and I’ll tell you why. Not only are they going to die but they have done absolutely nothing to deserve it, once their eyeballs melt and then their hearts explode from within out causing their blood to rush through their eye sockets.” My father said, “Dad what is this supposed to teach me...?” I had asked, he replied “It will show that even the most innocent kind hearted people will be killed inside or outside, one way or another. Just how your mother left me while I was in a time of need, or how she left me to live almost the rest of my life inside of a dive bar. Son... all I want is for you to understand the reality of the world and the illusion of morality. People choose to have morals son... not everyone makes those choices...” I stood in mere silence as my father got up,grabbed his crowbar from the lower left of his side as he got up to open the top crate. I started to wonder why these cats where just meowing like a mad house without even attempting to escape, I stood up and walked over there and peeped my head inside the crate just to see their feet stapled inside of the crate. I gasped as I started to walk back slowly until I bumped into my father as he gazed upon me “such a sight is it not? sit down boy! The shows about to start” he said. He picked up the jerry can as he started to pour the gasoline all over inside and around the crate. As he went to sit back down he pulled out his cigar and lighter, as he was finished smoking he threw the cigar and had me watch the entire time as the cats were burning alive... I can still smell their burning fur...the goo of their eyes melting and sticking onto their flesh. One cat somehow shot up in the air and onto the ground where I saw the legs burnt off, my father took me home and told me he’d be coming home in a week. I thought he was going to kidnap me so I got afraid and had my new father Clint take me to his house until I felt safe at my mother’s place. The following week Clint took me to the city to keep my mind off from what I had assumed was a threat, as Clint and I were at the city sight seeing I had seen my father fall twelve stories onto a van with a note attached to himself, as I tried to run up to him Clint had already grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me back in his car where we drove home. Clint had gotten a cellphone call by the state police to come visit my biological father Rodney in the hospital. When I had gotten there my father requested to see me alone so as Clint stood behind I had walked in, I was very nervous and afraid. I saw my father in the worst.... way.... possible... he was lying there cold on top of the hospital bed in critical condition almost everything was bandaged, then as he turned to see me. He started to unravel all the bandaging showing all the blood and flesh showing from his retched face wounds, he was barely even breathing and the nurse wasn’t even stopping him! Tears slowly started to arise down the sides of my cheeks as he had pulled me close to him... he had told me “Don’t do what I did son, this was a lesson. Always know…there’s more to life….” right before he had passed away holding onto my shoulder. I will never forget this, I’ve been seeking therapists from all over trying to rationalize everything I had experienced with my father but...his death never seemed to find a way to be rational.. I kind of had to take it as was. I then had a dream to become a counselor to help people so they wouldn’t end up like my father Rodney, I never took life for granted ever since.